Cleano vino

So, as I finished up cleaning the kitchen, I realized there was about one glass of wine left in the bottle. I didn't want to leave it there all lonely and pathetic in that bottle. Then again, I didn't want to clean another glass. It was at that moment I realized that I seriously considered drinking my cab straight from the bottle. Not as a joke or an act of drunkeness. Just an act of exhaustion mixed with a bit of practicality. Yet I still felt ashamed. Damn our puritanical society!

Who's on first?

Me: I have a cardholder who has fraudulent charges.
AmEx: Is this the first time you are calling in about these charges?
Me: Yes.
AmEx: I see there was a conversation we had with the cardholder. Are you sure he did not call in already?
Me: Today?
AmEx: Looks like it was in December.
Me: For charges made in January?
AmEx: My mistake looks like it was in November.
Me: For charges made in January?
AmEx: Oh wait. Looks like it was the primary cardholder we spoke with on December 31.
Me: For charges made in January?
AmEx: Never mind. That conversation was for something else. That makes more sense, since these charges did not occur until January.

And…scene!